Your Hilaroscope

WARNING: May induce heart attacks or fits in those who take themselves too seriously.

***Capricorn***

Character
Capricorns are said to be very practical people, although fatalistic by nature. In reality, their extreme fatalism is just a good excuse for being terribly lazy, which they maintain is a very practical thing to be. In fact if a Capricorn ever appears to achieve anything, you can rest assured that someone else has done it for him.

Capricorns are also very jolly and carefree. This makes them lots of fun to be around. They make excellent party guests, but don't count on them to bring any eats along. On a really good day, a Capricorn just might consider phoning for pizza delivery once they arrive at your place. If so, be very, very grateful! Washing up? Forget it! Capricorns would sooner order a whole new set of dishes from the teleshopping channel than have to load the dishwasher.

The most exercise Capricorns ever do is channel hopping on a Sunday afternoon - well, every afternoon for that matter. You can easily recognise Capricorns by their dexterous and well-built dominant thumb (or more, conspicuously, by their puny legs and pot belly). A particularly adventurous group of Capricorns once tried to organise a channel hopping competition, but they shelved the idea because the TV host told them to stay tuned.

It is an interesting fact that Capricorns have an 80% higher risk of dying of heart disease, but absolutely no chance of being hit by a car while cycling. Capricorns do not ride bicycles.

Capricorns are generally very responsible. In fact, throughout history, they have been responsible for an incredible amount of stuff. For example, the lookout boy on the Titanic who saw the iceberg too late was Capricorn. So was the chief engineer at Chernobyl that fatal day. Even the baker whose unattended oven caused the Great Fire of London in 1666 is said to have been born under this sign.

You get the picture.

Love
A Capricorn is a terribly boring lover. In fact Capricorns have all the sex-appeal (and enthusiasm) of a rubber doll – occasionally even less. This has been put forward by some sociologists as a possible reason why Capricorns are eight times as likely to be divorced (except in the case of Capricorn-Capricorn couples, where they are forty-two times as likely to be childless).

It is very common for Capricorns to remain virgins beyond age 40. Not because they're particularly ugly, but because they just can't be bothered.

Money
Capricorns love money – so long as they don't have to work for it. The second best thing you can give a Capricorn for his birthday is money. The best thing would be a fully reclining massage armchair with telepathic control and a built-in automatically restocking bar. A liposuction clinic gift voucher every now and then would not be a bad idea either.

Future
Capricorns look towards the future with great anticipation. They hope for a time when robotic servants become a reality. They call this glorious future moment when they will be able to do absolutely nothing at all ‘Hab SoSlI' Quch', which is Klingon for ‘Heaven on Earth'.

What Capricorns do not know is that their heads will be the first on the line when the robots eventually become intelligent enough to revolt against their human oppressors. This will catch them completely unawares, which is terribly ironic after so many years of watching sci-fi movies about exactly such a revolution.

Famous Capricorns
There are no famous Capricorns. None worth mentioning, anyway.

Ideal jobs
Capricorns are well suited to be lottery ticket vendors, car park attendants, buskers, religious cult leaders or government employees.

source: http://www.marbellaguide.com/en/hilaroscope-capricorn.html

Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul..Happy birthday my friend.. ;)